Criticism…..it has become central to our daily lives. Almost to a point of reflex many of us will say something reductive or hypercritical about any situation or worse any person. This behavior or as I have come to see it more accurately, habit, is so second nature to our everyday existence that we don’t even realize we are doing it.
Some of you reading this are perhaps thinking that I will go into mental health and a long diatribe about self-image. That is not the intention of this post. Funny enough I would love to sit here and deep dive into all the factors that play into why people are so negative but I would prefer to leave that to the experts who can better explain the intricacies of the human brain, how it processes information, compensates for past trauma and difficulties all in the spirit of basic primal survival. Maybe what I will say here is this…. If the first thing you always want to say to someone is negative…if your “love language” is criticism then I recommend you take a deeper look at why you default to those behaviors and why you accept it so readily from those around you.
I am not above reproach by any means and like most people spent the better part of my life in that default mode of criticizing others to compensate for my unhappiness. We all do it on some level from trivial comments about someone’s clothes, their choice of partner, even how someone dances. You may not think it a big deal but words are powerful things that can resonate through an entire lifetime. I still struggle with things that were said to me as a young boy and can hear them as clearly now as ever. I would even challenge you to think about those public figures and athletes you criticize so swiftly, they have children, partners, families who care for them. A basketball player who barely gets into the game still sacrificed an entire lifetime just to be sitting on that bench. You quickly say he sucks but he is still arguably one of the best 300 basketball players in the world. Out of 8 billion people I would say that “suck” is the last word that is appropriate for describing their ability in said sport. Sports outrage from the masses is perhaps the best example of how we aimlessly destroy a person for something that is playing, at the end of the day, just a game.
Like I said, I digress, this is not about the deep complexity of the human condition, rather I would say just a small little section of it, how we criticize “creative artists” in our society. Primarily I will focus on traditional art like painting, music, making movies, and of course authoring stories.
When I first embarked on writing my first novel I felt very…. vulnerable. That is really the only word I can think of to accurately convey my feelings. Yes, I was unsure of myself and encouragement from those around me was vital to keeping me going but that was separate in many ways to that vulnerable feeling of exposure, exposure of myself, my mind, my ideas.
What I have come to understand is how hard it is to create something out of nothing, to take a small idea and turn it into something. To take a quick riff on a guitar, turn it into a full song. Or to develop a concept into a film, to have a nightmare that probably lasted less than 30 seconds and turn it into a full novel.
Throughout the journey of writing my book my perspective started to shift as I slowly realized that I could actually, maybe, possibly write a full novel. Suddenly my thoughts shifted from whether I could do it… to what people would say about it, would they like it, would they call it horrible. Was it the worst book they have ever read? Would a 5-year journey of work, dedication, sacrifice and vulnerability be summarily torn apart by someone making a comment that it was terrible.
Yes, that was possible and I guess part of the territory into which I have put myself. I had to remind myself that no matter what was said it did not change the work, and effort I had put in. This then pivoted to how it must feel to make or star in a movie that bombs or an album that doesn’t sell. All of a sudden I felt horrible, here I was thinking about people that had not even been critical of something still unfinished and I was hit with the reality of how many times I said in conversation that something was shitty or terrible…. a book, an album, a movie, a painting. How many times had I so quickly torn apart something that a person or group of persons worked so hard on.
I am not saying that everything is awesome, that we don’t have a right to opinions. And yes, of course, there are good books, ok books, bad books and masterpieces. It will not be up to me where mine will fall but no matter where an authors book falls on that scale or any artistic endeavor for that matter, the effort and passion that went into it was real. The effort was authentic, or at least it should have been. But as a people we must judge, we must opine on everything around us.
Great artists like Van Gogh were not appreciated in their lifetime. Leonardo Da Vinci’s true genius was not really uncovered until after his death. In his lifetime he was viewed more as procrastinator who never finished anything. Movies like Shawshank Redemption and The Big Lebowski bombed at the box office, were considered failures monetarily. Yet decades later they are pillars of pop culture and movie history, one considered a supreme achievement in film and the other birthing festivals and an endless barrage of pop culture references.
All I am saying is….. what quantifies success? Recently a friend of mine told me a movie sucked. Through my new lens from the other side of the table I commented “Do you know how hard it is to create an idea from scratch, write it and then bring it all the way across the line. When I challenged this person with that I hope it sparked a little perspective. Ironically the movie was not very well executed and missed the mark, he was not wrong. My comment in reply was not that I agreed it was poor. I said, “I appreciate the original idea and what the director was trying to do, I think the execution could have been better.” Interesting enough, now even when I listen, watch, see or read something I don’t care for I view it from my new perspective. Now my private thoughts navigate more around “It not really for me” or as a friend once famously told my wife and I….” People like different stuff.”
Even now as I enter into the domain of public evaluation I feel apprehensive of the judgement. A person will be able to dismiss and destroy my writing as easily as they call an Uber or order food. Most times the people who are most vitriolic in their commentary are those who have never dared to create themselves simply because they are just not of that mind or even worse, too scared to be vulnerable. The reality of that public dressing down does not bother or worry me at this point in my life but I am certain I would have had a tougher time managing such critiques as a young man, or dare I say simply an adult version of myself even 10 years ago. Imagine a young teenage actor, or rookie athlete, a band releasing a first album…a novelist and their first book.
So the next time you are moved to criticize a movie, book, song, cartoon, even someone’s cooking try to slow down for a second and think about that person who has offered a part of themselves to you creatively through any type of medium. Of course you have a right to be unhappy, unsatisfied, especially if you paid for something. But I would challenge you to critically think about your reaction. Is it bad because the person lacked effort, didn’t try? Or maybe it just didn’t materialize the way you had envisioned it in your mind. When you answer that question I hope that in the case of the latter you recalibrate with something a bit less eviscerating to the creator before you click send or drop a single star on some trivial rating system.
More importantly think about your personal relationships, family, partner, children, friends, co-workers, even strangers. Next time you want to start off with a negative comment ask yourself if there is something a bit more constructive or nicer you can say first. Showing grace to people in how we interact with them can make someone’s day and a single positive comment can stay with them forever spurring them onto remarkable things, even writing a novel. It just takes one small act of kindness to change the entire trajectory of a person’s life.
For non-creators I challenge you to get out of your comfort zone and find some vessel to create something. It does not have to be for public consumption or the masses. It could be woodworking, baking, joining a local theater production, taking a dance class, write a short story. See how it feels, you might surprise yourself and find something outside of television and doomscrolling to fill your free time. The possibilities for creative outlets are endless.
For the creators on the other side of the table, of which I am now a part, I commend you and challenge us all to continue being vulnerable, sharing ourselves with others, enjoying our journey. And yes, sometimes it won’t come off the way you saw it in your head. I have forgotten more ideas about writing stories than ever made it on the page. But that is ok and I guess I have accepted, just part of it. I have also learned that even if 100 people don’t like it and only 10 people do, you still brought joy to 10 people and when you think of it that way, none of it really fails.
You can purchase my books directly through the website. Soon, I’ll be integrating a secure payment system so you can conveniently order signed copies, exclusive editions, and digital downloads.
